He really wanted to be... a lumberjack!

So I'm watching the debate last night, and I noticed how animated Kerry was in the splitscreen whenever Bush was speaking.

First, there was the twitchy way he'd nod his head every time Bush railed him. It's the exact gesture made by an awkward teen who's just been ribbed on for something they know they can't refute, and is stalling until they can think of something to say about the person who just made fun of them instead. For some reason, it unearthed a memory of a scene from Canonball Run - "He's saying that you're small." "Ess-em-all" "Can he say that?" "Yeah, he can say that."

As soon as the twitchy nod stopped, he'd pause for not quite a full second, and do something that I'm frankly not quite sure what to make of. He'd snatch up a pen, and start furiously scribbling as if there were something truly important that he shouldn't let slip past him. Just what is he so frantic to remember, and for what?

If it's whatever point Bush had just made, why didn't he know it already? Anything that he was hearing could only be new in coming from President Bush. It had all certainly been said by others, many times, for weeks or months now. I'm hard-pressed to believe that Kerry would be taken completely out of left field by any of it. To all appearances however, it needed to be written down, and right now.

And why? Was it some point which he intended to respond to in the debate? I'm not instilled with confidence that a man who can't remember what he wanted to say for 60 seconds will be inclined to stay the course in Iraq, for the full term of a presidency if need be. Iraq could escape such a person's mind before the end of the inaugural dinner.

Was it that he was hearing multiple things to respond to? I find it odd that such a "complex, intelligent, and sophisticated" man can't keep track of more than one thing he wanted to say, but maybe that's it. I don't remember seeing him glance at his notes though, except to scribble, so maybe that's not it at all. Maybe he was noting things that he thought his campaign would need to address. Was he afraid that his campaign might be taping the debate on fewer than 6 VCR's, and somehow the president's statement might become lost to them forever? I really can't pretend to know, but it was odd.

Best of all however was watching the mom-I-gotta-pee way that he danced from foot to foot while alternately nodding and scribbling. This, coupled with the Canonball Run excavation, brought out a more recent movie memory - Eminem in 8-mile, looking like he had fiberglass shorts on while another rapper was dressing him down. And that was when it hit me - John Kerry has missed his calling.

He was not supposed to have been John Kerry, swift boat captain. He was never meant to be John Kerry, conscientious objector. He was never intended to be John Kerry, U.S. Senator or John Kerry, presidential candidate. No, his calling was to have been a higher one, his expression of selfless devotion not to be mired in the muck of politics; his contribution to the spirit of America was to have been a pure, exhuberant celebration of life for all to rejoice. He was supposed to have been...

John Kerry, Lord of the Dance