Kerry will destroy education as we know it

Mrs. Heinz Kerry seems to have graced us with another precious glimpse into the "inner Kerry", letting slip her husband's January surprise during an interview with USA Today -

Q: You'd be different from Laura Bush?

A: Well, you know, I don't know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don't know that she's ever had a real job — I mean, since she's been grown up.

A million or so educators nationwide were undoubtedly shocked to discover that they did not have real jobs, and I suspect that library technicians were similarly disheartened to hear confirmation of what many have long suspected.

It's hard to imagine that Mama T had no idea that Laura Bush had been both school teacher and librarian for years; she is, in effect, a candidate running against Laura, and even if she doesn't quite see it that way we can all rest assured that her husband's campaign does. In that light, it seems almost certain (read: more certain than a Bush draft, anyway) that Kerry intends to close our schools and declare libraries unconstitutional. The funds which will no longer be wasted providing psuedo-jobs will undoubtedly come in handy paying for The Mother of All Health Subsidies. I have to applaud Kerry's chutzpah - it takes real guts for a Democrat to eviscerate one of their key voting blocks this way.

But wait - Tuhraysuh's not done.

So her experience and her validation comes from important things, but different things. And I'm older, and my validation of what I do and what I believe and my experience is a little bit bigger — because I'm older, and I've had different experiences. And it's not a criticism of her. It's just, you know, what life is about.

Mama T reminds us that we are all but little people, from the least of us to Laura Bush herself, and you must realize that she is just a little bit bigger. As peasants, of course, our obligation is to recognize her husband's divine right of rule and elect him president. And what role in this whole affair is played by her original nationality?

Q: You'd be just the second first lady who was born abroad, the first who had two foreign parents. Do you think that causes Americans any pause?

A: Well, Americans who pause probably don't know history very well, because we are all from somewhere. We are continually being from somewhere. And in such a young country as this — it's not like we're talking, you know, old Europe. We are constantly renewing our energy and our knowledge and our heart and our soul, enriched like no other country in that sense. And to fear that or disparage that I don't think is American. And I never hear that out there.

Ah, it will serve the crucial role of serving as a reminder to we cowboy upstarts that we are just a young country. We poor, ignorant Americans have no history, as demonstrated by the fact that we don't know or understand our history, and that our energy and knowledge must be renewed from countries that are not young like this - we're talking, you know, old Europe.

But folks, put your hands together for Mary Beth Cahill - she must have noticed that Mama T was dismissing constituents like John dismisses allies. She wrung an apology statement out of Mama T within the same news cycle - nice work, Mary Beth.

"I appreciate and honor Mrs. Bush's service to the country as first lady, and am sincerely sorry I had not remembered her important work in the past," Heinz Kerry's statement said.

Does anyone know if President Bush's Healthy Forest intitative will reduce the risk of brush fires on Mama T's head?