Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Gentlemen, start your whining


Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth begin

It's not over 'till the fat lawyers sing, but they're warming up right now. No one's willing to declare a winner yet; CNN and C-Span both stand at 254-252 with Ohio, New Mexico, and Iowa uncalled, while Fox has the race fixed at 269-242, with New Mexico, Nevada, Iowa, Wisconsin, and Delaware in the balance. By all appearances however, the fourty-fourth President of the United States, to be inaugurated on January 20th, 2005, is President George W. Bush.

Kerry's holding on until it's undeniable that he and the Breck girl have been declared the weakest link, but I predict that none of the litigious contests predicted will take place. It's all but official that we will have the first president elected by a majority of the popular vote in 16 years. The electorate of this nation banded together to clearly unite behind the challenges of our new common goal - driving Europeans stark raving bonkers.

Today I also predict a spike in blood pressure-related maladies between the Emerald Isle and the Ural mountains. Bashir Assad will break out in hives, George Galloway will choke on a danish, and Carolyn Parrish will be stricken with with Tourett syndrome which will go unremarked. Kim Jong Il will order a truckload of Windex and puppies.

Speaking of which, I should thank someone before I forget - Guardian, you really helped button down Ohio! I know it wasn't selfless, you've helped yourself to four more years of carping about the cowboy, but still - nicely done! Now go scribble something churlish about what ogres we are.

(Cross-posted to The Left-Right Debate)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kerry has shown he is more of a man than Algore and is conceding the race to Bush at 1 PM today.

BTW - love your use of one of my favorite phrases for whiners (wailing and gnashing of teeth).

J at TAotB
The Art of the Blog

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Windex? Puppies I got, but Windex? Enlighten me, please...

-- The Sanity Inspector, clickin' through from the Commissar, to visit my chatmates from last night!

10:46 PM  
Blogger Doug said...

Yes, I have to confess that Kerry had more grace than I gave him credit for. Not so much more, mind you.

Someone - I strongly suspect Curmudgeon of The Left Right Debate, but don't recall - said (loosely) that "to get inside the mind of the North Koreans you really need to lock yourself in a closet, snort some Windex, watch a lot of porn, and strangle a puppy."

I hope everyone had the foresight to add a European antacid producer to their portfolio.

11:06 PM  
Blogger andy said...

Yesterday morning I woke up at 5:00 am after watching the election returns until 3:00 am.

I have a TV in my workout room that is not connected to cable, so I have to watch "free" TV. I watch a CBS station in Baltimore that I can pick up. Dan Rather was on. When I went to bed, W was ahead by some 130K votes in Ohio, and I wanted to see the outcome.

Rather looked VERY ragged. I think he could sence that any thread of his reputation depended on W being defeated. He looked shell-shocked that W as winning. This was 5AM and he looked like he had been up all day.

He REFUSED to mention the total votes Bush was ahead. He kept saying the vote totals where "very close", and junk about "counting all the ballots".

He was a broken, sorry site to see. I think he finally relized that it was as over for him as it was for Kerry.

6:14 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

I wish I could have seen that - he's been described as looking "scared". I understand there was also a crew on PBS that looked like they were under fire. Damn my 20-20 hindsight, I should have taped them.

I watched mostly Fox, flipping occasionally to C-Span to hear the call-ins rant. C-Span's call screeners have a preternatural ability to home in on moron vibes. Forget self-improvement tapes; listen to those people for a couple hours, and you'll feel like a king! It's like Daily Kos without the reading.

8:04 AM  

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